I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. she was in a wheel chair
One day a orphan bought a boomerang he threw it and it didn’t come back
Why were the twin towers mad..... cause they bought a pepperoni pizza but they got plane
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying
"Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I bought a rainbow gun but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.. Guess what? It had no home button.
A guy bought a AMG and crashed it, now he knows how the mercedes BENZ.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
A father bought his depressed son a new house and then pointing at it he said "hang in there son".
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11. Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket
i went to the pharmacy the other day. i tried to buy a pack of condoms but i pretended i didnt have enough money to mess with the cashier. i went back into the aisles of the store got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap bought them and walked out. i loved the look on the casheirs face when they saw my decision.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I bought a white xbox to last longer and i bought a black xbox to run faster
