Bought jokes

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.

What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

How much did the haulla-cost?

Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.

I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

I bought a book for my blind friend.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."