Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
