Body jokes
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.
Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.