Body jokes

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!

What flowers are on your face?

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?

The taste.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.