Body jokes

After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

It's in my basement.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?

Because it got everybody's pokes!

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

What flowers are on your face?

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?

The taste.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

What do you call a vagina with teeth?

A vicious cunt.

There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.