Body jokes
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
What is smegma name?
Defenity peeing with an erection
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."