Body Jokes

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

A black and white image of a skeleton in a suit and hat, smoking and holding playing cards, with the text "MY BODY IS A MACHINE THAT TURNS POKER CHIPS INTO DIVORCE PAPERS" layered on top of the image.

Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

My anus smells.

Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."