Body jokes
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."