How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Body Jokes
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?
A cutting board.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Why crack your fingers when you can finger your crack?
Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.
Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.
What is a skeleton’s favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
The woman's body is shaped like a penis. If see a naked female body bent over, her butt looks like testicles, while her head can be seen as the head of a penis.
This is the same if she lies down right side up with her knees up and legs spread. If she lays upside down with her knees up and legs spread, her boobs are like testicles and her pelvic area is like the head of a penis. If you look at the shape of a vagina, it’s shaped like a penis with the lips looking like testicles and the clit looks like the schlong.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What is smegma name?
Little Johnny asked the teacher why you were no shirt. Teacher says, "Because I want to." The teacher drops her pencil and picks it up. The class starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" A kid took off your bra, and we see your squish sexy boobs.
You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
