A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f...ed before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE F...ED!”

What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker

Hop In

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists

This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”

The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”

So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”

When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”

The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”

What do you call a dog with no legs ?

It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.

where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen

what do you call a dog with no legs? It dosent matter what you call him,he isnt coming.

What’s got 6 legs 3 arms and 3 heads?

The finish line at the Boston marathon