Beverage jokes
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a bottle of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"