Beverage jokes
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
Oh, he needs some milk!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.