Beverage jokes

Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?

Because proper tea is theft.

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.

If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.

A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

My dad went to go get milk.

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

What’s a rapper’s favorite kind of SODA?

Dr. Dre Pepper.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.

Fanta Klare Zitrone is cool.

I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:

Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?

Because he wanted grapes.

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!

I like my women like I like my wine.

Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?

Killer Kool-Aid.

You know that I drink water, right? I drink water because I am water. Water is water.