Beverage jokes
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea. (Fantasy)
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!