Beverage jokes
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
"HEY THAT’S MY MILK!"
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
Fosters.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop.
“Huh, I wonder why he needs a mop?”
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks?
Because they're afraid of ice!
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?
A: Flanders Red Ale.