Beverage jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.

Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!

What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?

Because vodka in Russia is weak.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

Blake drinks Coke.

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?

Mountain Dew.

You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought that fruit punch was a boxer.

I like my coffee black. Just like my soul.

Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"