Beverage jokes
What's a Jew's favorite drink?
Mountain Jew.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
What's a darts player's favorite drink? One hundred and eight-tea!
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.
What starts with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
Why did the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice!
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.