Best jokes
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?
Watching their expression change.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
What's the best finger for fingering A minor?
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.