Best jokes

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.

He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”

The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.

The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.

2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!

What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.

I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

I love you.

What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?

Skittles.

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

What does an emo kid say to his best friend?

"Let's hang out."

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Hey guys, I haven't been on in like freaking forever! Sorry. Anyways, I love you, Emerald! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I hope you're on!

Love you all. Hope you all have a nice day, Best regards, Koko, <3

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

What's America's best class?

Gun 101.

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.