Contraception

Contraception Jokes

Vasectomy

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

  • 8
  • Whopper

    How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

    He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

  • 9
  • DNA evidence

    Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

    It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

    Plan B

    Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

    She wanted to be for sure for sure!

    Condom

    What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

    Condom

    The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

    Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

    ...

    I guess her rubber broke too.

    Condom

    A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

    Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

    Teen

    Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

    Condoms 99 percent effective.

    Birth control 99 percent effective.

    Etc.

    Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

    Aish office

    I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

    I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

    Now I feel like I belong.