My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Why is September 11th the best birthday? Because no one ever forgets it!
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.
For I have everyone's IP address.
The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
For people who love Gwen and think she is the best person on this website, comment if so.
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
