Best jokes

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

Germany is the best!

Stephen Hawking's best subjects were Physics and Maths. His worst was P.E.

What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?

Canned hunting.

Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

Best chick ever.

Call me at 6969696969.

Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.

Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.

I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.