The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them
Why is September 11th the best birthday? Because no one ever forgets it! :)
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
For people who love Gwen and think she is the best person on this website, comment if so.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.
For I have everyone's IP address.
The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
