Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What’s the best part about twenty eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them

What’s the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

My ceiling isn’t the best… But it’s up there!!!

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

What is the best cure for aging?


There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?

-It makes your sister jealous

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

When I die can someone play “Best Day Ever” during my funeral?

Whats the best thing about dead baby jokes?

they never get old

Whats the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!!

What’s the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

my dad told me to do wht he did best so i left

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, “What’s the best book on committing suicide?” The librarian said, “Oh f... off…you won’t bring it back anyway.”

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