There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

Q: What’s the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?

-It makes your sister jealous

What’s the best part about twenty eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

“Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”

“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

When I die can someone play “Best Day Ever” during my funeral?

What’s the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry I’m already going under.

Can’t wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

What’s the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

What’s the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.