Belief jokes
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.
As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.