Belief jokes

A true God would be godless himself.

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

What do you call a reverse exorcism?

It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

Christianity.

Religion... That is all.

Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?

A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.

Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?

A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.

If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.

Science flew us to the moon.

Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

What is meals on wheels to a Christian nationalist that is also a conservative Republican politician, a gay man in a wheelchair that is poor and also physically handicapped, and who is also well-endowed?

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot is real.

What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?

A Christian.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

Wanna hear a joke?

Jesus being real.