My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
So a mom went to her kid and said "If you pray to god, he will give you your sight back" so he did exactly that The next morning the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kids room and asked "whats wrong" the kid replied it didn't work" The mom said "April Fools"
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.
Poop is yummy, fuck!
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
