Arent jokes
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Why aren't Americans good at Clash Royale?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas!"
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.