Anti-jokes
Myself.
Just laugh.
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Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
What do you call a PEIS?
What's the time?
How would I know?
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
It's still called a "cow."
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down!
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"