Anti-jokes
Your AMAMA.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Please don't kill [me].
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"