Anti-jokes
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
Fuck burger.
What's the time?
How would I know?
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What's long, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
gamer
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
What rock has four men that don't sing?
One Direction.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
The earth is flat.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?
UGLY!
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.