Anti-jokes
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Why is Donald Trump president?
So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
you.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"
So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Joke.
Please don't kill [me].
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
Penis.