I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Mum: if your friend jumped of a cliff would you Me: oh yeah no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions???
Answer: Expresso!!! (KILL MEH)
I hate prom in Alabama, they always say “uhh actually this is our family reunion” WE ARE IN ALABAMA SO THEY ARE THE SAME
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"
Incest is wincest (That was above) Fun for the whole family! Next of kin, count me in!
You know, I got a SKELETON, of these jokes, all are HUMERUS, yeah, this get’s Under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening, hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
the biggest inconvenience in 2001 i thought was my brother turns out it was 9/11 i guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was aluh aluckbar
What do you call a pregnant slave. A two for one deal.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call intelligent people in America?
Tourists.
Her:"Land of the free" Me:*fat Her: What do you mean? Me: Its not fat free
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.