I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Mum: if your friend jumped of a cliff would you Me: oh yeah no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions???
Answer: Expresso!!! (KILL MEH)
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
I hate prom in Alabama, they always say “uhh actually this is our family reunion” WE ARE IN ALABAMA SO THEY ARE THE SAME
Incest is wincest (That was above) Fun for the whole family! Next of kin, count me in!
the biggest inconvenience in 2001 i thought was my brother turns out it was 9/11 i guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was aluh aluckbar
What do you call a pregnant slave. A two for one deal.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call intelligent people in America?
Tourists.
Her:"Land of the free" Me:*fat Her: What do you mean? Me: Its not fat free
Technically speaking, Urmom/urfather jokes have no affect on Orphans
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.
I see a kid crying in the park right. So I go up to him and say " hey where are your parants" and he says "well my dad left to get the milk and never came back and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda triangle
