My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
Joke.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?
Myself.
