Anti-jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "馃槵馃槵馃槵馃槵馃槵馃槵馃槵"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it!
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Just laugh.
HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What is black, white, and red all over? My third wife.
What does "Keo" stand for?
Kick Elmo more.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
Which band doesn鈥檛 make music?
One Direction.
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
What do you call a squirrel that flies? A flying squirrel.