Animal jokes
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
Why is the koala not a bear?
It doesn't have the right koalafications.
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
The chicken!
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
I want to die.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"