Animal jokes
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!
Why didn't the rooster cross the road?
Because he was a chicken!
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
Why did the cow cross the road to go to the moovies?
Memes
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.