Animal jokes
My dog died.
What do a blonde and a cow have in common?
They're both fat af.
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
Mrs. Harolen: Students, tomorrow's assignment is to bring your parents to school for a conference with the teacher information.
Garen: I want to know who cannot bring their parents to a conference. ORPHANS!
Students: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Mrs. Harolen: Garen sit down! NOW!
Garen: Hey, why can't orphans get a dog? They don't have their parents to drive them to the animal shelter.
Halen: Yeah! Why are orphans racist? Because they never saw their parents with a different race!
Students: No, that's not funny!
Student: SHUT UP!
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
Koalas are weird. Why? I don't know!
What do you call a mountain of kittens? A meowtain.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What do you call a fish with no I? A fshhhhhh!
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
I like cats.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it only went halfway.