Animal jokes
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Memes
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
Why didn't the rooster cross the road?
Because he was a chicken!
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, houses can't jump at all.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.