Animal jokes
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing? Dead mooves.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody likes that joke.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
Stop saying "cheetah cheater" jokes. They suck!
My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Why did the chickens cross the road?
To get to KFC.