What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
Animal Jokes
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
My dog died. I'm so sad.
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
