I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide!!! 😂
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
What do you call a fish and a guitar?
Tunafish.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
What do you call finding half of a worm?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan for me.
My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.
You gonna poop someday.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
Dimetrodon, dimetrodon.
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!
Why did the Hummingbird hum because he forgot the words?
"Bunny was so hopping to see you this week."
What do you call a herd of winning cows?
A topside.
What da dog doin'?
A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
