Animal jokes
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Black dog is gay.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.
With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.
Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.
Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.
A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.
With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.
Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.
But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.
And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Memes
Meme:
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
What's the difference between a duck?
What is a snake's favorite drug?
Adder-all.
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you call a fish and a guitar?
Tunafish.
Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.
"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So it could get to the other side!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
You are so cat.
How do bees go to school?
They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.