Animal jokes
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
A sheep, a snake, and a drum fell off of a cliff.
Baa- Dum- Tsss!
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?
"Hello Ladies!"
What did the cow tell an Indian?
Moo!
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"