Animal jokes

What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.

You look like a cat.

You're so fat that people say you're the biggest bird!

What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.

Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

Wet noses.

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A: A Chihuahua.