Animal jokes
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's door.
Knock, knock!
It's the chicken.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
Anime memes replaced by breaking bad
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!