Animal jokes
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu!
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
"Bitch, I’m a cow, bitchhhhh."
Memes
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
Why did the chicken enter the cave?
Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.