Animal jokes
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?
"Hello Ladies!"
What did the cow tell an Indian?
Moo!
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
"Bitch, I’m a cow, bitchhhhh."
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Bird Box.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu!
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.