Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
Animal Jokes
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
Why did the cheetah go to school?
To be a cheetah.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣
You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
Why do cheetahs always win the race? Because he cheats, duh!
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Why do cat orphans watch sci-fi movies?
Because they won't understand what the mother ship is.
Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
