Animal jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?

Stuffed.

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

What do gay horses eat?

Hayyyyy!

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

What do you call a donkey and a potato?

Assround

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Craps on your organ.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

What does a dog do in a dresser?

It pants!

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?