Animal jokes
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
Mole
Which dinosaurs masturbated the most? Triceratops, they were the horniest!
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
I SAID GO TO BED BEFORE I SLAP THOSE SPOTS OFF OF YOU!
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!
What did the shark say when it ate the clownfish?
It tasted funny!
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Monky.
What did the dog say to the other dog?