Animal jokes
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
Memes
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What do you call mouse sneakers? Squeakers!
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.