Animal jokes
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
Memes
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?
Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"