Animal jokes
I love my dog and all dogs.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
why the fuck is steam there ????
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.