Animal jokes

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”

One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"

A student says: "Bacon!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"

A student says: "Eggs!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"

A student says: "Homework!"

The whole class laughs.

What do gay horses eat?

Hayyyyy!

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Craps on your organ.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.

What do you call a rabbit with a big ass?

A BUNny.

What do you call a suspicious dog?

A sussy bark-er.

A goose with no beak, and you eat?

Goose beak salad, file! :)

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

What do monkeys eat for dinner? KFC.

Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?

To see his closest relatives.