Animal jokes
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because he was riding the chicken!
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moooooovies! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.