Animal jokes
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
What do you call a stick that comes back a chicken?
JAW don't know sh*t!
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
Why are cheetahs big cats? Because they poo and purr.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Moose jokes, why did the moose fly with an airplane? Because it was a skoose.
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.