Animal jokes
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
What goes boo in a car with no lips?
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
What is a cow?
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
How do you spot a cow?
With a bingo dabber.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Why are fish smart?
They live in a school.