Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Animal Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
Q: What is a cow?
A: A bad cow.
What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Disabled.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
