Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Animal Jokes
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"
"I ate New York hot dogs."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An interrupting cow.
And inter-moo!
Uranus is a cow, You may be wondering, how?
Uranus farts methane, And cows do the same.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
