Animal jokes
Like if you blow male cows?
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
Q: What is a cow?
A: A bad cow.
What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Disabled.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.