Animal jokes
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Idk.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
What do monkeys eat for dinner? KFC.