Animal

Animal jokes

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You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?

A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator!

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!