Animal jokes
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
What's a cheetah's fav food?
Fast food!
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
I killed my cat.
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Idk.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.