Animal jokes
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who.
It is an owl!
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.
Why do cheetahs always cheat?
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A fly flying backwards!
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!