The dear God created the man. Then he created woman. When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Jimmy caught his parents having sex and asked what they were doing and asked if he could join because it looked fun and his mom asked why and he replied, "Well, Mommy, I see you and the mailman do it, and when he leaves he says, 'I can't wait to cum back, that was fun!' and now you and Daddy are doing it, so I wanted to try!" The dad gets angry at this and scolds the mother saying, "I can't believe you did that when I was gone, babe!" The mother was very sad, and then the father left and went to get divorce papers, and when he left the mother told Jimmy that he'd understand when he was older.
18 years later...
Jimmy has a girlfriend and asks her to call him a sus name, and she says only in the bed, and he agrees. Later, when they both are having sex, Jimmy's girlfriend asks if he used a condom or not, and he said that he didn't know what that was, so then 9 months later, she was pregnant, but abortion was illegal, so she gives birth and puts the child up for adoption.
A few years later, Jimmy has a good job and his wife now asked to have a child, and then she asked if she could call him a sus name while he did he, he said sure, and on they went with their clothes off and under the sheets. Jimmy gets a call from his boss saying he needed to go over really fast, it was an emergency, and so Jimmy left really fast. However, his wife was very unfaithful and called in a man to come as soon as possible, and then they did it. Jimmy came home after 10-18 hours and was very happy and went to tell his wife the great new, but then he heard strange sounds coming from the room and so he wen inside and was shocked to see his father and his wife having sex. Jimmy though didn't care that his wife had cheated on him he just said, "Well baby, tonight's your lucky night," and without any hesitation ripped off his clothes and jumped in the bed and they then had a threesome, and the wife said she was very happy that she had been done x2 and when Jimmy asked why she said,"Well I had two dicks in my vagina and now I'm so refreshed!" Jimmy was happy to hear that and then had a woman come over so that his wife and a woman would have a threesome again, and so then Jimmy saw that it was his mother and he really didn't want to do it, but his wife convinced him too and so he did it and his mother was going for Jimmy's wife more and more until Jimmy no longer was in the threesome and now only Jimmy's wife and his mother were doing it, this made Jimmy mad and this bit both of their boobs and they were shocked but then they pinned him down and bit his dick and then grabbed a bottle of alcohol and made him drink until he was drunk and then he started to eat their ass' and then called his father to come to have sex again and then they all had a foursome, the wife then called the police and had then all arrested and said," You all sucked" and Jimmy said," What about you too? You sucked me!" They all died of mental desires in jail. The end.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean and North Korean all walk into a bar
The Landlord says "why the same faces lads".
Where do terrorists go for a drink? At the Allahu-ak Bar
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
Iām not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
On the plus side Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with Alcohol
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
My brother goes into the bar and says bartender give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says that's a lot of alcohol. My brother says celebrating my first blowjob. The bartender said let me buy you a drink. My brother said no this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Royal rebel and push so back they ever marble say that drink pushback
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening ššš
