Alcohol jokes
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
Iām not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening ššš
Champagne
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.