Alcohol

Alcohol jokes

Women

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

Adult

How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?

Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.