Aed jokes
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.
Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
What do you call a stabbed pig?
Porkchopped.
What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?
Pork Chopped!
Hah, got 'em (I guess)!
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"