Aed jokes
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Stop with the emojis. They kinda just make the joke cringy. For example: How many ppl 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 does it take to have 🥒🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑???? Well, it takes at least 1 🤷 and 1 👰 and they make a perfect ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤. See how cringy it is. I mean sure, it's a dumb example, but still, just at least less emojis.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.