Aed jokes
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
I blend children to make a good living.
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.