Aed jokes

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.

What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?

We have a case of Witzelsucht.

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.

What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?

A pistachio.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

What type of bee can't make up his mind?

A maybe.

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?

They slash them.

I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.