Aed jokes
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
Not like they can tell their parents.
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?
Not my problem.
Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?
A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.