Aed jokes

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?

A: Domi doesn't know!

What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.

You just made a Mist-ake.

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

Your dad must be a mailman.

If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!

"Can you tie a knot?"

"I cannot."

"So you can knot?"

"No, I cannot knot."

"Not knot?"

"Who's there?"

"F... off!"

What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.

This is a joke in itself.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.