Aed jokes

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

A: Because knives don't have barrels.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?

A: All the good guys are hung.

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to Chick-fil-A.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

"White beta males and fake alpha males are a joke that goes for POC men too."

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

What do Shrek and onions have in common?

*LAYERS*

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

What do you call a scared cow?

A COW-ard.