Aed jokes

Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

John: I don't know.

Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple!

A chicken is delicious.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.