Aed jokes
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
I’m a short joke.
I’m only five feet tall 😞
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7’s a cunt.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.