Aed jokes

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

Are multiple choice questions too easy?

A) Yes.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

What is a monster's favorite place to swim?

Lake Erie!

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

I would say a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't land well.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

Why are fish smart?

They live i a school.

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

I lick poo for a living... You?

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.

Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.