Aed jokes
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
"Just killed a woman, feeling good."
- Tommyinnit
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.